5 Tips from a Mental Health Therapist on How to Manage Your Stress During the Holidays
In a world selling “winter wonder lands” and smiling families “decking the halls”, the reality that many face is not nearly as perfectly jolly and warm. For so many people, the holidays illicit stress, sadness, and frustration over stressful family functions and relationship dynamics that never seem to get better.
Below, I am going to give you 5 strategies to help you manage your stress during “the most wonderful time of the year”.
1. Create a routine
This time of year is filled with holiday parties, travel, extra chores and shopping. Your mind will thank you if you can establish some sort of routine to take pause and know what comes next. For example, get up and go to bed at the same time each day, read and drink your coffee for 10 minutes before getting ready, have dinner at the same time (or around the same time) daily, take a walk around the block after dinner… any of these things can act as a grounding moment in your day to give your mind and body a little break from the unfamiliar.
2. Practice good sleep, nutrition, and exercise hygiene
This goes along with number 1, but to give your mind and body a fighting chance at managing stress (and not getting sick) do your best to not sacrifice your sleep, nutrition, or exercise during this chaotic time. Sleep allows our brains to process all the things we saw and did that day, so making sure we are getting plenty of that will be important to ensure you are feeling both physically and mentally present when bouncing around from place to place. Exercise is a natural stress reliever, so if you can move your body a bit each day, you’re going to be feeling less antsy and irritable (even if that means taking a quick walk around the block or some light stretching in the evening before bed). And nutrition, well, do your best! Maybe shoot for having at least 1 serving of vegetables a day, or making sure you’re eating at least 1 nutrient dense meal a day to keep your energy and mood up while also enjoying all the yummy treats that will be coming your way!
3. Maintain REALISTIC expectations of yourself and others
This may be one of the most important tips of them all… set realistic expectations for yourself AND others. Don’t put 10 time consuming tasks on your to-do list expecting to finish them all, and then feel bad about yourself when you can’t get them all achieved in the limited time you’ve given yourself. It’s a vicious cycle. Give yourself an achievable amount of tasks that you can do, and if you can’t accomplish what you want to or thought you could, practice letting them go. It’s ok if you don’t get to bake that homemade cookie recipe you found on Pinterest, store bought is just fine.
On the other hand, make sure you are also setting realistic expectations for others in your life as well. Has your mom ever been on time for any family function in the past? If not, then let’s not expect her to be on time this year. Getting upset with her will only cause you more stress and frustration. If we continue to set our expectations high and we continue to get disappointed, we need to adjust. This time, let’s try accepting that she will be late and letting go of the stress and disappointment that being antsy about her tardiness would bring.
4. Practice HEALTHY boundaries with overbearing loved ones
Now, boundaries have been a hot topic in TikTok’s and Instagram reels recently, but I am here to explain how to implement them in a way that is compassionate and not as black-and-white as many creators make them out to be. Say we take the mom from the previous tip and implement a boundary with her. She is never on time and maybe we have accepted that she will not be on time, but it is still bothering you because it feels like she is not respecting your wishes. Well, this is where a boundary would come in.
First off, a boundary is not a rule, it’s a guideline for your own behavior. For example, it is not, “Mom, you need to come to dinner on time and if you don’t I wouldn’t even bother coming”, rather, it’s, “Hey mom, I just wanted to give you a reminder that dinner will be starting at 6:30pm. We have plans for that evening and several people will be there, so we will have to start at that time no matter what. Just wanted to give you a heads up! Can’t wait to see you there!”. This gives the other person information on how you are going to respond based on their behavior.
Another example of a healthy boundary for someone who is always bringing up heated discussions around politics at family gatherings (when you don’t want to have that discussion) would be, “Hey, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that during the holiday party this year, I am asking for no political topics be discussed. I know we are both passionate about the things we care about and don’t always see eye-to-eye on these things, (which is ok), but I am trying to make sure we can have a nice time without getting too heated ;). I hope you can understand where I am coming from. I love you and I can’t wait to see you soon!”.
When in doubt, go for compassionate but straight forward.
5. Carve out some time for you and your needs/wants
Lastly, carve out some “me” time! You need to make sure you are giving yourself some time to rest and recharge if you are going to be interacting with many different people in different settings. Allow yourself something you can look forward to, like taking yourself on a coffee date, getting a massage, or getting your nails done, as well as something daily that can ground you (ie. See tip 1), like exercise, meditation, journaling, etc.
With use of these tips, you are likely going to be feeling significantly less overwhelmed, stressed, and/or irritable this holiday season!
-Take care of yourself and I hope you DO have a happy holidays :)
#6 Bonus tip — allow yourself to feel your feelings. Like I mentioned in the opening sentence, the world is trying to push that this is the best time of the year. If you are feeling a mix of emotions, especially grief during this time of year, please allow yourself to feel it. Take some time to honor your loved ones who are no longer physically here. Or maybe you’re mourning the relationships you used to have that you don’t any longer… allow yourself to sit with the sadness, cry, feel… I promise that this is not pandoras box that if you let it out, it won’t ever go away. You must feel it so you can allow it to be released and that the pressure inside of you does not cause other emotions to explode (aka become super irritable and blow up on your kids before the family comes over).
If you are located in Wisconsin and are interested in starting therapy with Anika Vallejo, LPC, click here to learn more about her, and click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call.
