3 Steps to Help You Through the Death of Your Therapist
If you clicked on this article, you are likely experiencing something you may never have thought possible - the death of your therapist. You may feel lost or frozen, not sure what to do in this situation.
In this brief article, I will provide a few things to do and expect when navigating this loss. That being said, if you are experiencing this, I first want to say how deeply sorry I am that you are going through such a tragic and confusing loss. This is not easy.
The relationship between therapist and client is a uniquely special one. In it, you share your deepest thoughts, feelings, fears, and insecurities, as well as your excitement and joyous moments. You meet with them often and spend countless hours finding comfort, structure, and hope in their presence. You get to know them, often sharing in laughs and tears. You may feel like they know you deeper than most people do. They are the sacred holder of your secrets and quiet support you know you can count on. When this person dies, you may feel lost and panicked on what to do next and where to turn to for support.
The emotions you felt when you first found out about the passing of your therapist may have ranged from panic, to intense sadness, numbness, and/or even anger or betrayal. Before we get to the steps, just please note that all of this is normal in an abnormal situation such as an unexpected loss.
Below are 3 steps to help you navigate this time-
1 - Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Cry, sleep, talk to others, journal… You are likely in a state of shock, so we need to allow you to come down from this potentially earth-shattering news. If you have a trusted friend or family member, I would encourage you to share this information with them and find comfort in the connection. That being said, if you are feeling like you may harm yourself, please seek out the nearest emergency room, call 988 or 911.
2 - Your therapist may or may not have had a plan in case this were to happen- and unfortunately, many of us don’t. If your therapist was apart of a group practice, someone from the practice will likely be reaching out to provide support and refer you to another therapist you can transfer to. If your therapist owned a solo private practice, this may be a bit more challenging. Depending if they had something set in place, like a professional executor, they may have a trusted colleague in place to access their records and be able to reach out to you about what comes next.
If they do not, it may be more difficult to get referred help or learn next steps. If you do not hear anything after a couple weeks or are in need of immediate assistance, I would encourage you to start your search for a new therapist when you feel the time is right. This is a difficult loss, and you are also allowed to take your time to find a new therapist if you need a some space to process alone first.
When you are ready, you can use a website like www.psychologytoday.com to find a therapist that fits your needs, preferences, and insurance.
3 - Once a plan is set in place for your continued care or you’ve decided to take a break, what comes next is processing the loss. Like previously mentioned, this loss is unique, personal, and oftentimes confusing. The grief is heavy and the hole a therapist can leave in our lives is deep. Each person will process this sort of loss differently and at their own time, so it is ok if your grief doesn’t look like someone else’s.
Some things that may feel good for one person may not feel right for another, and again, that is totally ok. If you feel ready, here are a few activities you can do to help sit with and process this loss and the grief that coincides. Here are a few examples you can do to honor someone you’ve lost -
Write a letter to your therapist expressing what you would like them to know
Plant a flower in your garden
Create some sort of art for them
Write out a lesson or phrase they often reminded you of in session and hang it on your wall
Place a small memorial in your garden or home
Support a charity they cared about
Engage in an activity they may have mentioned they liked
Purchase a mug, art piece, necklace or bracelet that reminds you of them
This is by no means an exhaustive list - there are countless ways we can honor someone who has passed, so do what feels right for you.
No one will be able to replace your therapist. The bond you have with a therapist you truly connect with can be life changing, so make sure to honor your grief. When you are ready, you are allowed to reach out to someone new to help you continue the amazing work you and your therapist had started together and share their impact on your life with another.
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If you are located in Wisconsin and are interested in starting therapy at Emerge Counseling with Anika Vallejo, LPC, click here to learn more about her, and click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation call.
